Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Im halfway though my diet (possibly more) and my decision whether IM going to do the show or not just kinda came to me like a epiphany. Right now my decision is....
im not going to do it. (my mind changes every week but I think this is it lol)
This would of been a good thing to signify like hey I lost weight, look at me, but why should I do that, I feel great that I saw abs, and I have them and on top of that, when its time for me to bulk up, I'll be in a lot better shape, I don't have to worry about getting big like I was for awhile, now. (I mean fat)
Like I don't know I just had a straight epiphany about me not wanting to do it.
This isn't something I have the passion or desire to do. I never really did, I think my original reason for wanting to do it was the thrill or spirit of competition that I have. For some reason this just isn't it. Its not the Diet or the training that I do, because im still dieting until the end of the month and I train everyday anyway.
My ultimate goal isn't to be representing brands, or being on muscle mags, im not looking to be recognized,
although it would be nice to have that Jared from Subway story, maybe get a little money, but this certainly isn't the way to do it if I want it. (which I honestly did his diet when i was younger and lost 30lbs)
I want the people that care about (family friends)
Maybe some random people to recognize that I put in extremely hard work to change myself and my lifestyle,
and if i can do it anyone can do it, give hope to everyone obese or want to lose that little bit of weight that life can change for them.
(Ha it sounds like I should do the show the way im talking. )
But in retrospect its not like all the people I want to see my change will be there you know. and that was my fuel to even work out and look better.
This for my Mom and dad who fattened me up in the first place lol, to show them my change,.
(which they see everyday)
This was for my brother who use to call me fat boy, but still loved me, now admires me.
This was for Mack and Spiro (yes throwback) who I always looked up to when I was a kid because i wanted to be skinny and in shape like them, plus they always accepted fat tony and defended me and stood by me no matter what.
This was for all the jokes I got when I was younger (which I positively spun around)
This wasn't for any ladies (surprisingly) but its nice to look better.
This was for the rest of my family who never cared that I was big, but i want to show them i changed.
This was also for the people who encouraged me, maybe hated the way i was doing the diet or had to be put on hold because of it, but understood completely and still cheered me on.
and outta like the 15 people mentioned only maybe 4 of them will be at that show...
Maybe i should do it maybe I shouldn't, but fact of the matter is I didnt do it for recognition among people I could care less about. or judges
Hell i take my own pictures now, i dont need a professional taking pictures of me and like 6 other people from like 30 feet away.
Thats why Im still going to diet at least until the beginning of November (5 more weeks) and if I feel like I still want to do it, and I come across the extra money then so be it,(money is another big issue because it would cost me close to 200-300 bucks) but if not then screw it i know its not my goal,
lol my goal is to walk in Walmart with no shirt on. until someone tells me to put one on lmao (i swear on everything im going to do it)
My goal was to get ABs, lol got them
My goal was to lose body fat so when I want to get bigger, it won't be sloppy.
One of my goals is to do marathons (or more like 5ks and 10k's then work myself up) now thats something I always wanted to do and I'll put my heart into.
But body building wasnt one of them, I have the body I want and that was my goal, there is still some areas I need to approve on but I got my whole life to do it..
If its in the future for me to do it, like next year or something then I'll be ready!
THE END LOL sorry it was so long..